Impossible Choices
by rizerstar
Summary: Set 100 yrs after BDawn. The Cullens are moving back to Forks & struggling with Jacob's mortality. Jacob cannot deny Renesme happiness & offers a solution that threatens his safety, the treaty, & Edward & Bella's marriage. Orig series characters & style.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 1

Home

I walked by myself along the winding river, taking in the sights and smells, the air weighted heavily with humidity, feeling like I was finally home. I knew I had missed Forks, and still smiled at the thought, but was surprised with the sense of calm that being here gave me. It was like a weight that I didn't know was pressing upon me lifted the same moment our plane touched down. I don't know now how I managed to stay away for almost three quarters of a century. I have said a thousand times that home is wherever my family is, and while that is one kind of truth, having my family back in Forks was my true sense of home. Well, almost my whole family.

I stopped to turn around just before the treaty line, and sat down, more from habit than need. I didn't struggle the way the others did in the human world – having to remember to move, shift, and fidget in human ways – I found that I still found comfort in many of my old same human habits. I tucked a windblown hair behind my ear and listened, becoming perfectly still, winding through a mental playlist in my mind of memories of this forest.

Our meadow. Running. Baseball. James and the nomads. The tent. Jacob. The pack. Hunting. Renesme. The volturi. My dim human memories were still vibrant when compared to what other vampires described, and I flashed through them all at once in an instant. I went through the playlist again, more thoroughly, remembering not just the images but the feelings associated with them. I was back in the tent with Edward and Jacob when I felt him there.

The rest of the family told me it was not that I actually felt him. I was smelling him and misinterpreting the sensation. In atypical Bella fashion I told them each they were wrong. It was not my sense of smell, although powerful, that told me when Edward was close. It was the rest of my body, the essence of who I am, who I was, who I will be acknowledging that I was whole again. Even Alice couldn't help rolling her eyes at the last part.

He was coming around, following my path along the river, and smiled as I turned. I knew he had been tracking my scent through the trees from the cottage. His teeth gleamed, the rainbow of colors reflecting, and his skin seemed to dance with colors under the long sleeved shirt he wore. Would I ever get tired of looking at him?

I rose to greet him and he chuckled quietly at my face, clearly giving away the fact that I had been ogling him.

"What?" I asked, pretending that I wasn't in on the joke.

"I just had a flashback. We were back in the cafeteria at school and you were listening to that horrible girl tell you about my family. Your expression then matches the one you have now. " Edward smiled at the memory.

"Yes, well. Some things never change. You still make my heart skip a beat." I smirked and he laughed out loud at my joke. My heart had not been beating, skipping, or anything in between for ten decades and we were both intimately aware of that fact. He took my hand and we walked back the way we came, never getting within a few hundred feet of the Quileute treaty line. Our families had found a comfortable common ground since Jacob had imprinted on Renesme when she was born, but we were always careful to be respectful the Quileute land.

Edward told me about his day working with Esme, and the disagreement they had about a wall and the colors of the new office. He was excited to be reopening the design firm here in Forks – well, opening for the first time as far as anyone here knew, but he was asserting himself more with Esme and Rosalie this time and so far, it had been tense.

I sympathized, trying to balance my need to be supportive of my husband and not wanting to get in the middle of the fights surrounding the new family business. Thirty years ago we collectively decided that we could not continue to do high school over and over. Ironically, I was the biggest whiner of the bunch, and I only had done the complete routine four times. We starting noticing that modern medicine had caught up enough with us. Since everyone seemed to be having so kind of cosmetic surgery, people looked younger for longer. We capitalized on this, and proclaimed our ages to be ten years older than we had in the past. It was easier for Esme and Carlisle, but all of us managed it with some age appropriate clothes and clever stories. Whenever someone questioned our ages beyond the norm, one of us would let it "slip" about some work we had done. It was not a stretch – our father was a surgeon and had access to the best of everything, Edward and I were parents of an adult child, and our other siblings had been acting for so long it was just another character for them.

Esme used our new cover story to begin an interior and design firm. Rosalie found that she shared Esme's passion, although her taste was completely different. What was once a frustration for them both now was a partnership. They split the clients between them based on the client's tastes; clients who preferred open floor plans and neutral colors gravitated towards Esme, while Rosalie kept a pulse on the newest trends helping the more modern clients. The business was now being recreated for the fifth time, and while I had hoped this would be the smoothest transition, I knew better.

Edward was still venting his frustrations about his day when we arrived back at the cottage. I knew letting him get it out was important, but deep down I was surprised the height of the half wall in the lobby and the color of the conference room paint could cause such uproar. Esme, Edward told me, was trying to be the mediator between Rosalie and Edward, and I smiled picturing my mother in law trying to negotiate with the two hardest headed people I knew.

Edward's phone buzzed with a text message from Alice, interrupting his litany. It read "It's going to be 4 ft high and burgundy. Give up now." I chucked and Edward raised his eyebrow at me, annoyed I was not soothing his mood and telling him how right he was. I shrugged.

It had only been four months since we had seen Alice and Jasper, but we had not lived together or even near each other in more than ten years and I missed them both terribly. Seeing a simple text message from her made me miss her even more.

"I'm sorry. I know it's hard. But you have to get along with her. It's not fair to make Esme play referee. "I said, trying to play the role of soothing wife.

Edward took off his shirt and flopped on the couch, throwing one arm over his eyes. "I know, but she's stubborn just for the sake of stubbornness. You should hear her now; she treats the humans better than she treats me." He was clearly exasperated. I was trying my best to stifle another laugh – Rosalie is being nice to humans? Maybe we had landed in another dimension instead of back in Forks?

He jumped to me in a flash and pulled me onto the couch with him. "I know you want to laugh, so go ahead." I heard the smile in his voice as he spoke the words into my neck.

"No..I mean yes..I want to laugh, but not at you." I pulled his face from my shoulder and made him look at me. "Edward, you have to be patient. This has been Esme and Rosalie's baby for _thirty years_ and I know they are excited about your office joining theirs, " I paused as Edward hur-um-phed, "Ok, Esme is excited and Rosalie will tolerate it, but you will all have to get along. In the scope of everything, who cares about the wall color?" I explained calmly and watched him take a deep breath in and then open his amber eyes.

I smiled tentatively, and he pressed his forehead to mine. "I know you're right. I think I am having a harder time than I expected being back here. " My forehead creased and before I could say anything, he went on, "Of course I love being back here in some ways, Bella. But I am finding I miss Alice and Jasper even more, it's not Forks without them. I am still afraid that someone is going to recognize us, that we came back too soon. And it's strange but as much as I complained about it, I see now it was easier to move around when we just had to worry about high school enrollment and forged transcripts. "

I knew he was right. Transferring the family business was hard and getting harder. They could never market their business on line, for fear that someone might recognize them, and now with the new international databases finding out about anyone or any business were a few clicks away. Even things that were once held as private information was available – fingerprints, blood type, date of your last medical exam with prognosis, balance on your credit cards – everything. Whereas we were once paying the likes of J. Jenks to create a few forgeries for us, we were now paying for several hundred forgeries, web hackers to create false histories in databases, and hundreds of thousands of dollars to professional vampires who specialized in taking care of vampires who needed to fake their death and handle the estate. Crime scene investigators and DNA databases had made the old methods obsolete. These companies didn't have a lot of clients, most of us were still nomads, but those of us that chose to live in covens or families provided those vampires with a luxurious life.

I patted his hand on my face and whispered how much I loved him, over and over. He seemed to calm at my touch and reluctantly got up put on a fresh shirt and go meet Jacob and Renesme.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 2

The Hunt

I was lying down in the middle of our bed, splayed out on my stomach, ankles crossed, reading a novel when he walked back into the cottage. I had smelled all three of them when they were still a long way off, the breeze mingling earth and forest with their own essence, but I smiled – knowing they would be home soon.

"I ran ahead." He said simply, the corner of his mouth turned into a smile, as he bent down to plant a chaste kiss on my cheek. I pouted, but only for a moment, knowing the reasons behind his fortitude.

"How did she do?" I asked, and he responded, both knowing what the answer was before the question was even asked. Renesme excelled at everything, just like her father.

"Wonderful. She is a natural, but it was a little tense. Jacob was a wreck the whole time. His mind flashed to so many worst case scenarios. _I_ was almost nervous." Edward sat on the bed chuckling and pushed my loose curls out of my eyes.

"Bella? How do you read with all that hair in your face?" he asked. I rolled my eyes in response.

"What? I can't ask you a question?" he was teasing me, now rubbing my cheek with the side of his hand his amber eyes glistening.

"Just tell me you like my hair tied up versus pretending you don't know with my eyesight I could read this book through a waterfall and do fine." My tone was measured, but as I leaned into his fingers caressing my cheek we both quieted waiting for the stragglers.

Jacob bounded in the door, his graying temples still a shock to me. Renesme was right behind, and I smiled hugely at both of them, walking up to hug them both, first as one, and then separately.

"Hello Hummingbird." Renesme looked at me, squarely in the eyes, and her chocolate eyes danced at our private nickname as she grinned. "Dad says you're a natural. As if I expected anything else. "I said.

Renesme hugged me again, and said quietly into my neck, "Yeah, Mom. I can do it. But it doesn't mean I have to like it."

I loved that she still cuddled with me and whispered secrets, knowing full well both her father and husband could hear her perfectly. As touching as the moment was, I laughed a little, and Renesme looked up at me, clearly hurt.

"Sweetheart, not you too! I am not laughing _at you_. I promise." I pulled her close again and looked at Edward over his shoulder. His eyes were laughing with mine, although no other part of his face gave him away. He didn't have to be a mind reader to know what I was thinking – _she sounds just like me when she's unhappy._

Jacob was, in many ways, still the teenager I knew in my youth. He was well over one hundred, but when in human form, looked to be in his early sixties. He chimed in to break the tension. "Come on you two. Break it up. Nessie, we need to get going if you are going to be ready for the family tonight. "Jacob smiled knowingly at Edward.

Nessie reached up and touched my face briefly, and communicated her silent complaints. There were many more today than usual, but she ended her show with the image of a large pink heat, almost comical in its cartoon likeness and size, her symbol for I love you.

"I love you too. See you tonight." I kissed her cheek as she took Jacob's hand to go.

The door closed and Edward and I waited several minutes before we spoke. He was holding up one finger to me, asking me to wait, while he listened to something far away. I was instantly tense, but we melted the tension with a smile, shaking his head to let me know it was nothing to worry about.

"They ok? " I asked him, knowing he was reading either Renesme or Jacob's thoughts as they left.

"Yes. She is anxious about all of Jacob's new requirements. She thinks he's overreacting. He's anxious she doesn't take him seriously. They are just both really …scared. "Edward answered as he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind.

"I am worried about them. Jacob has lived longer than the rest of the Quileute pack by almost fifty years. She has to realize that being with her is the only reason he's still here." I said. The gene that made Jacob shift into a wolf seemed to activate when vampires were around and slowed the aging process.

Luckily for all of us, the gene didn't differentiate between half vampires and full fledged vampires. His constant presence in Renesme's life, and eventual marriage for the last seventy years, had literally kept him alive by slowing the aging process.

Edward kissed the side of my neck. "I know, love. And so does she. But she can't bear the thought of being without him. She's still trying to grasp the idea of it, and I am sure it's hard to think of losing him when he seems relatively healthy now. "

"I know. It's hard for me to think about. Jacob has been a part of us for so long now. I can't imagine what any of us will do without him. But, my heart breaks for Renesme." I turned to hug Edward, both knowing the undercurrent of the conversation – our daughter was about to face what we ourselves could not handle – separation.

"It will work out. I don't know how. But we will be there for her and help them both through this." Edward hugged me tighter and I squeezed back.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 3

Dinner

Renesme and Jacob lived in Charlie's old house. Sue and Charlie had married and had a wonderful, strong marriage for almost thirty years. I would never be able to thank her for the joy, love and happiness she showed my father. When she died, a part of him did as well, and Renesme and Jacob moved in with him to help take care of him. Charlie would never admit it, but I knew no matter how much he loved his only daughter, it was his granddaughter that completely owned his heart.

When he died, just four years after Sue, Renesme was crushed. Carlisle had been monitoring Charlie's health through phone conferences, but his steady decline worried us all. Edward and I had been gone from Forks for more than thirty years, but we both risked coming back to be with Renesme. It was the only thing she had ever asked of us, and nothing was going to keep us away. What we did not expect was our extended family feeling the same way, and all of us – Carlisle and Esme, Rosalie and Emmett, Jasper and Alice – in heavy makeup, dark clothing and false accents, to descend back to Forks for a second, private funeral.

I replayed every moment of that funeral trip as Edward and I pulled into the familiar driveway. I missed Charlie, of course, but to wish him back with us was a kind of selfishness I didn't have in me. I vowed to visit his gravestone tomorrow, and steeled myself to push my sadness down and enjoy a family evening. Edward, sensing my mood, squeezed my hand from the driver's seat. I smiled, acknowledging the gesture with a squeeze of my own, and walked hand in hand at human speed into the house.

I heard Renesme calling to Jacob as Edward used his left hand to knock. Both yelled for us to come in at the same time and Edward smiled at me, opening the door. I smelled butter cooking in a pan and bread in the oven as Edward took my coat. He hung it on the same hooks he had used in Charlie's house since we first met. I could tell he was feeling as nostalgic as I. Jacob came running down the stairs, dressed in a dress shirt, pants, and had two small pieces of tissues attached to his face where he tried to stop the bleeding from shaving. He was in thin dress socks and nearly lost his footing on the last step.

"Since when are you clumsy?" I asked him before any greeting. He looked up at me sheepishly and I was a little shocked at the familiar expression.

"Sorry. Sorry. Nessie wanted me to look nice tonight and shave and I do it so rarely I am out of practice. The stupid dress socks are slippery. And don't worry, I am not out to claim your title for the clumsiest Cullen. " His eyes twinkled at the last part, and I punched him in the arm. Jacob had adopted the Cullen last name when he was getting too old to keep his original last name. I was deeply touched when Edward had asked Carlisle's permission, and it had been given so freely.

I reminded Jacob that I had not been clumsy in a long time and we moved into the kitchen to see his wife, arms wrapped around each comfortably. Edward sat across from me at the new kitchen table as we listened to Renesme bark orders at Jacob as she struggled to get the last of the food out and on the table. She would be offended if I offered to help, and I knew that, so I sat on my hands to remind myself to stay out of her way.

"Darling, you do realize that only you and Jacob eat?" I said, trying to ease her from her dark mood.

Renesme glanced at me and shook her head, not responding. Edward smirked at her unspoken response. I glared back, trying to signal him for help with my eyes. He nodded a no, and I knew I was on my own.

I tried to draw a conversation out of her. Asking what she was making, and why Jacob was getting dressed up. She responded with half answers, and I decided to leave her to her mood and take in the renovations to Charlie's house.

The yellow cabinets, once faded and dated, had been refinished and updated to a sleek, modern design, still hinting at the original yellow but now with large nickel hardware. The vinyl had been replaced by her Dad and Uncle Emmett with a beautiful wood floor and all the appliances were new. I was impressed with Renesme's quiet refusal of help from her Aunt Rosalie and Grandmother. She wanted all the work to be done by the family, and had paid for all of the renovations from her and Jacob's personal accounts.

She closed the oven door with a flourish, and I took that as the signal that we were ready to sit down to dinner. Edward and I sat in front of our daughter's beautiful china place settings, and oohed and ahhed appropriately as our host and hostess served the dinner. We did not have to pretend to be interested in the food, but we knew she appreciated the acknowledgement of her culinary skills.

Renesme sat down across from me, while the men headed the table. I was just about to ask her why the leaf was in the table and there were additional place settings when the doorbell rang again. I had been so focused on Renesme that I had almost missed the first confused, then shocked, then blissful expression on Edward's face. Before I could ask if we were expecting additional guests, Renesme flashed through the door to open it for her grandparents.

Esme was spinning Renesme around, clucking words of love and appreciation at her. Carlisle moved past the whirlwind to hug Jacob, and when he stepped out of the doorframe, Emmett's booming voice came from behind.

"Hey, hey. Now we can get this party started!"

Renesme giggled at her uncle from over her grandmother's shoulder, and waved at him and Rosalie. I glanced at Edward, who was still sitting at the dining room table. His face still didn't seem to match the scene in front of me. At that moment I realized why. Emmett was so big in the doorway, that he blocked Alice and Jasper from sight.

It was my turn to nod and wave at Emmett and Rosalie, and quickly pushed past them to get my hands on Alice and Jasper.

I sputtered in her spiky hair, "Alice. Oh, Alice. And Jasper. I have missed you. What are you doing here?" I reached around to hold Jasper's hand behind her.

"It's no party without us, you know." Alice replied quietly. She seemed a bit distant, but I was so happy to see them both I let it pass. She was probably mentally drained from the long journey from Africa.

Jasper held my hand tightly and then pulled us both into a hug. He took a deep, unnecessary breath, and my joy seemed to deepen immediately. I wasn't sure if it was Jasper being Jasper, or just that same weight I felt when we landed finally being removed completely.

Alice let go, and I did the same, Edward murmuring hellos and Jacob asking everyone to come in and be comfortable. I was dimly aware that we were probably making a scene on the front stoop of this quiet street, but at the moment I didn't care.

The rest of the family joined us at the table, and Renesme and Jacob ate their delicious dinner. While Renesme would only drink blood as a child, she had developed a taste for both as she got older. Carlisle speculated that Jacob had a lot to do with her omnivore nature, not to mention being able to avoid the social pressures of never eating, but I believed it was equally due to the fact that Renesme was an amazing cook. I had always hoped she would one day open a restaurant of her own, but she never felt like she needed the hassles of her own business. Instead, she cooked for the local diner and when she wasn't cooking, she was serving.

Edward was staring at Alice and Jasper, as if not believing they were really here. Alice's fatigue lifted and talked animatedly about their latest trek across the continent and Jasper added in the appropriate nods, gestures, and confirmations whenever Alice needed them. Rosalie took turns sneering at Edward, obviously still mad about their day at the office, Alice, for swooping into the center of attention, and Jacob, who had forgotten to take the tissues off his face from his shaving mishaps. Emmett, noticing her mood, did something to her under that table that made her first jump, and then give him a dirty look. He whispered for her to loosen up. She just stared him down.

As I listened to Alice, I started to get the feeling that there was more to this evening. Rosalie seemed tense, and while that was not unusual, Renesme and Jacob were unusually quiet. Jacob was especially withdrawn and when I really watched my daughter she seemed almost nervous. When I looked at her again, feigning a casual stretch, she motioned me into the kitchen with her eyes.

When I got there, having waited a minute to not set off the others, she was holding onto the side of the kitchen sink, crying. I rushed to her, scooping her up like I had when she was a toddler.

"I can't do this, Mom. I can't do this. How can anyone expect me to do this?"

"Hummingbird? What is it?" I asked calmly, steeling me for the reply I was sure was coming.

"Jacob. I. Cannot. Live. Without. Jacob…. " She started crying in earnest now, soundless, tearless sobs that broke my heart.

I shushed her and hummed at her, rocking her body against mine. She was trying to get a hold of herself, but just when I thought the onslaught was over, she would start again. She gave up, and instead touched my face to tell me all the things that her body would not let her speak.

My daughter was anguished. She flashed through the images first in chronological order. She started with her birth, growing up, special events, graduations, holidays, her wedding, other family member's re-weddings, Charlie's funeral, and scenes from everyday life – thousands of images, moments, and feelings forever cataloged in her mind. Then she showed me what she was imagining, those same moments without Jacob there with her. When she came back to Charlie's funeral, her mind replayed the vision but as Jacob's funeral and the sobbing started again.

I shook the stained images from my mind when her hand went limp. She was still sobbing when I saw Jacob come into the kitchen. I started to pull back from her so she could see he was there too, but he shook his head no and instead pulled us both into a hug.

Renesme put her hand to Jacob's face and I felt like an intruder in their private moment. Whatever she was showing Jacob made his own eyes tear up and hold us tighter. Jacob looked at Renesme, with an expression I had never seen before in my Jacob. It was a look that seemed both tense and relieved, scared and triumphant, and above all with more love than any one heart should be able to hold. With that look he whispered "Ok" and pulled her away from me and into his arms.

I stood there, still feeling as though I was witnessing something I should not be, when Edward burst into the small room, staring at Jacob. I had not seen Edward so upset in such a long time, especially at his cherished son, that I barely recognized it. Edward pulled Jacob and Renesme apart and started Jacob down, his hand trembling. Renesme started to speak to Edward but Jacob silenced her with a squeeze on the arm. I will handle this, he mumbled to her.

Edward finally spoke, grasping at control. "You can't handle it that way, Jacob. I won't allow it."

"It is not your decision, Dad." Jacob's tone was level, measured, but he raised himself to his full height as he spoke.

"She is my wife" Edward hissed. "It is too much to ask, and you know it. Deep down, Jacob, you have to know this."

I shook my head in confusion, another human habit I had not given up. What was going on? And what did I have to do with it? I looked at Renesme and she was looking at the wood floor, not meeting our eyes.

"Renesme," Edward breathed her name, "You can't... You can't ask this. This is not right. It's selfish. It's not how things should be. You have to understand, it's the one thing we cannot give you."

At this it was our daughter that straightened and stepped away from Jacob. The too small kitchen seemed to be bursting and she looked her beloved father straight in the eyes.

"Cannot give? Will not give…And I might be selfish, but no one should understand that more that you. As it is, Dad," she said his name with hatred, "I am not asking you, I am asking Mom. And if you forbid her, then I will go ask them." With that, she pointed to the rest of the family now sitting silently at the dining room table.

Edward sucked in a breath, as if the wind had been knocked out of him, and slid to the floor, hiding his face in his hands. I was so confused. I didn't know who first to console, my distraught husband? My sobbing and now angry children? I froze, and Renesme and Jacob walked past me, back to the dining room, never meeting my face. I took Edward in my arms and willed myself to be quiet with him instead of shouting – _WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? _

I don't know how long I sat there with Edward. I could not see his eyes behind his hands, but his chest was heaving strangely and he started to speak several times, but couldn't seem to form words. I thought back to the stroke that killed my mother and recoiled at the reminders of the similarities of the two. I was ready to call to Carlisle when I realized no one in the family had come into the kitchen. Either they were completely unaware or….Or….I was the one not aware. It is possible everyone else in the house now knows what is going on except me?

"Carlisle." I whispered, knowing he could hear me, and trying to call to him without disturbing Edward.

He was next to me in an instant. "I am so sorry, Bella. I did not realize the evening would turn out this way." As he spoke, he pulled Edward's hands from his eyes. I had not seen the darkness in Edward's eyes since my complications during pregnancy. I would deal with my emotions of confusion later. Right now, I was just scared.

"Edward." Carlisle was calm, in full doctor mode. "Please nod that you can hear me."

Edward's head moved a flick right and then left. Had I still be human, I would not have seen the movement at all.

Carlisle continued. "Good. Now are you hurt?"

Edward came alive and looked directly at Carlisle. At the look Carlisle clarified, "Physically?"

"No….They are all waiting for us. Let's get this over with." Edward did not look directly at me as he rose, his eyes instead boring into Carlisle. I searched his face for answers, seeing only the darkness. He turned to me, his face inches from mine, and surprised me with an emotional kiss. I was dazzled, and knew the kiss to be a diversion.

"These are not my secrets to tell. We need to join the rest of the family." Edward glanced at Carlisle, and motioned for him to join us in the other room.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 4

Ultimatum

Jacob and Renesme stood in the front of the living room, looking over their family that was divided between the living room and adjoining dining room. Emmett seemed tense when Edward, Carlisle and I walked into the room and Esme looked at us with such pity I had to look away.

Jacob cleared his throat and began to speak.

"I have been a Cullen in name for over fifty years. I am honored to have been able to be a part of this family for double that. While time means little to immortals, I am still human, if only a little, and have recently started to understand time and the limits it puts on us." He took a deep breath, took his wife's hand, and pressed on. "It is no secret that I am aging. I now look like I should be Nessie's grandfather, instead of her husband, and even I am surprised when I look in the mirror. Not that I don't look good for 118, but even still." He smiled at this, trying to make a joke.

"For all the advantages that my slower aging has brought, now I am faced with the problems. My body is getting old, breaking down, and even Nessie cannot slow it. I am not just starting to age normally, it's happening at a break neck speed, and I don't know how much time I have left."

Jacob continued, eyes still roaming our faces, all, except for Edwards. "Nessie has been unhappy about the plans I have been making for her in anticipation of our…separation. She has offered an alternative and I have been unwilling to consider it until now."

"The thing is," Jacob started again, staring at Edward, clearly speaking to him alone, "that I have spent the last one hundred years giving this woman everything she has wanted. Most of the time, I have been frustrated that she has asked so little, but she has never been denied. For some reason that I can't understand, she is happy just being with me. I can't take away her happiness, which she thinks comes from me. Not when I can ask for your help in keeping me…here…with her…forever." Jacob looked down, as if spent from his speech.

"Wait. Jake? Are you saying you want to be one of us?" I sputtered the words out, looking from Edward to Jacob and back again.

"Yeah, yeah. I guess I am, Bella. " Jacob shrugged. I looked at Renesme, with so much hope in her eyes it was painful.

Carlisle interceded, "Nessie came to me a few months ago and asked if this was even possible. I have been trying to…"

Edward interrupted, furious, "Carlisle. You knew about this? My daughter comes to you with something of this magnitude and you don't tell me?"

"Edward, your daughter is my granddaughter, and I love her as I do all my children. I do not betray their confidences when asked." Carlisle smoothed.

I was still stunned, but managed to whisper, "Is it even possible?"

"I am not sure. I can't find any evidence that this has even been done. Because Jacob is a shape shifter, and his ability comes directly from his lineage and their response to our kind, what information is available may not apply to him. I have put together a few examples that may suggest it is possible, but it's all conjecture. " Carlisle replied.

Alice was silent, holding onto Jasper. I looked at her pointedly. "I can't tell you, Bella. I can't see him." She answered my question as if she was the mind reader.

"So, Jake, you want Carlisle to change you into a vampire so you can not die and be with her forever?" I asked stupidly, chewing on my bottom lip.

All movement stopped at my question. All eyes bore into Jacob, and there was no sound but Renesme's Humming bird heart, beating in half time with Jacobs.

"No. Not Carlisle, Bells." He paused, needing a moment to work up_..the courage_?

Renesme finished for him. "Not Grandpa, Mom…You."

Edward's roar, primal, protective, and overwhelmingly sad, drowned out anything that I might have heard.

I did not feel. I did not think. I was in a half place where some part of me knew I had been before, but could not place the time. I had a vague memory of a burn, as if I was trying to name the numbness, but it was gone before I could hold onto the label. I knew I was alive only because I saw the reflecting of my half self in the darkness of Edward's eyes.

It was Emmett that blocked Edward from me, picking me up before I knew it was happening.

"Let's go, little sister. I think it's time for a jog."

Rosalie looked pained, not boiling mad as I had expected when I saw her upside down face next to me as Emmett ran me out the door. I closed my eyes and was glad that at least I didn't have to worry about throwing up.

Emmett sailed through the forest near my old home, bouncing me up and down like a sack of oats over his shoulder. As the feeling started to return to my body the first sensation was not pleasant.

"Emmett. I'm fine. Can we stop bouncing through the forest?" I asked.

"What? I get no points for chivalry? Gee, Bella. You gotta throw me a bone here." Emmett laughed as he said it, swinging be back over his shoulder and setting me back on the forest floor. His eyes told me there was a hint of truth in his words.

I smiled at him, half heartedly, and threw my arms around his neck. "Emmett, thank you. I am so, so scared."

He bristled at my words, but held me tightly, picking me back up around my waist and setting me on a low tree branch six feet behind us.

"Alice will kill me. This moss will destroy this skirt, I am sure. "

"Ahh, she'll get over it. She wouldn't have wanted you to wear it twice anyway." Emmett snorted.

We sat in a comfortable silence, listening to the sounds of the cars passing by and the T.V. show on in a neighbor's home. No animals would come near us, even insects, but we listened to the sounds of them scurrying away and seeking out their next meal. I smelled a deer close by, and Emmett acknowledged it, but neither was in the mood for a snack. My mind was returning, however slowly.

"Bella. We can't hide from Edward for long out here, you know." Emmett said, easing me into conversation.

"I know. I wasn't running…or being carried" I smiled ruefully, "Away from him, I just…well, you know. You brought me here. " I hedged.

"I don't know how to fight targets I can't see, Babe. You and Edward seem to be in this battle with emotions and fate, right and wrong, duty and wants, I just don't understand. But I can tell when you're hurting, and getting you out of there seemed like the best thing for you at the time. " He said it as his right foot was squishing something into the ground. When he looked back at me, I saw so much honesty, I made a mental note to tell Edward to give Emmett a break.

"Emmett, I don't know if I understand this yet. I keep thinking this is a bad dream and I am going to wake up, which is especially strange considering how long it's been seen I've had a dream of any kind. " I raised my eyebrow, a habit I had picked up from Edward. "I can't thank you enough for being with me right now. It's enough to make me want to trip on something just to let you laugh at me."

Emmett roared with laughter, and agreed to walk back to the house with me. It was the same comfortable silence that surrounded us as we neared the forest edge.

"Are you ready for this?" Emmett asked tentatively.

"As ready as I am gonna be." I felt more like Isabella Swan, Arizona transfer, as I trudged up onto the patio than I had in a hundred years.

Emmett stopped me, just outside the front door. He looked into my eyes, putting both hands on my shoulders and said, as if the secret of life was about to be bestowed upon me, "Bella. For the record, don't change him unless it'll make him smell better. Jacob still reeks. "

The muffled laughter from inside carried into the forest.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 5

Discussions

I walked in and all eyes were on me. I chewed on my bottom lip, half expecting their collective reaction and half wanting to sink into the floor.

Jacob and Renesme started to both talk at once. I stopped them both with my palm.

"Wait. Before you say anything else. I get to ask some questions." I popped my bottom lip from my mouth and faked some courage. I took a deep breath and pushed my shield from me, starting slow, making sure my face did not betray my actions.

Moving, or releasing my mental shield, was as natural to me today as breathing had once been. Edward had asked me once what it felt like, and the only thing I could liken it to was that some people are naturally introverted, and some extroverted. My shield naturally wanted to stay only with me, but I was capable of moving it as I wanted or needed. It didn't hurt me to do so, any more than it hurt the introvert to be in the spotlight at the party, it was just not within my normal tendencies.

My shield shimmered as it weaved to closer to Edward and finally enveloped him. Once I was sure it was in place, I communicated with him, fast and furious.

"_Edward?_" His eyes flicked up and then down, his head never moving. It had once been his way of communicating with Alice. If she caught the action now, she didn't acknowledge it.

"_I love you. I love you. I love you. I need you to hear me now. You can't become the enemy here. I will not decide anything tonight. I promise you will have your say, but not here. Please, let me talk to them and we will go home. I love you. " _

Edward was coming over to me as I added quickly

"_And don't be mad at Emmett. It was the only thing he thought he could do to help. Good, I didn't forget that. Oops, you didn't need that part." _

I pulled Edward over to me and he wrapped his arm protectively around my waist. All of this had taken less then two seconds, and I began again.

"Ok. So, everyone is here because Renesme and Jake invited them, right?"

Everyone's head shook yes.

"Does that also mean that you all were told the reason why?" All head's shook yes again, but less vigorously this time.

"Why?" I asked the question of my daughter who was still in the front of the room, but now slouched against Jake, looking young and frail again.

"Mom. No one knew that we would be actually asking you to do this tonight. Not even Jacob and I did. You were standing right there we he finally said he'd do it. They just knew I wanted to talk about it. I was hoping you all would help me convince Jacob that you wanted him enough to be around forever. "

"Baby, this is not about wanting Jake. We all love Jake. It's just that I don't understand. You're asking us to help you avoid the eventuality that you have always been aware of. You're immortal, Jake is not. You're asking us, specifically me, to end his life, to break the Quileute treaty, and put us all in danger of the Volutri's wrath again. You're doing all of this in hopes – and it's only a hope – that the change happens, and happens in a way you can live with. What if Jake dies? You…we…will have lost the time we had left. What if the transformation happens and makes Jake an immortal wolf, never able to be a man again. What if Jake is an immortal 118 year old man, instead of having his youth restored? Hummingbird, listen…."

She cut me off, "ENOUGH! I have heard ENOUGH. Don't talk to me of understanding. You, you of all people, should understand this." She was shrieking now, clawing at Jake to let her go. "You tell me you love Jake? That you love me? I have never known you to be a liar Mother, but clearly…"

Edward cut her off now, with a cautioning, "Renesme." _Edward, please. I intoned._

"What Dad? You protect her with every part of you, and you cannot understand our same love? You once tried to KILL YOURSELF when you thought Mom was dead." She turned back to me now, not calming, "You saved Dad. Alice helped you. Please, Mommy, help me save Jake." Sobs burst from her at the last statement and I was crushed with the weight of them. I snapped my shield back around me, trying to protect Edward from the onslaught. I sagged into Edward as Renesme sagged into Jacob, two mirrors of the same pain.

"Why me?" I asked, quietly, addressing the question to the room. Edward's head shot up at the question. His stayed wrapped around me, but were now clenched and tense.

It was Esme that spoke, surprising us all. "Bella, dear. Carlisle can't do it. He would have to monitor Jake more thoroughly than….the others….have needed because the outcome is so unclear."

I still didn't understand. Alice sat on the couch, unmoving. I thought she was having a vision until I realized she was in the exact position I had noticed her in more than an hour ago. I looked to Jasper, and he radiated sympathy, but no explanation. I looked to Rosalie and Emmett, and then to Carlisle and Esme. No one wanted to seem to answer my question. I looked to Jacob and Renesme and waited. Patience was a virtue I had learned.

"Bells. Don't you see? It has to be you. You brought me into this family. You risked your life to give me the person I love more than my own life. You are the road that brought me here, and you have to be the one that keeps me here. I need to know you want me forever almost as much as Nessie does." Jacob said quietly from behind Renesme.

"Aww, Jake. I love you. I will always love you. But you can't ask me to …." I wanted to say _do this_, but instead chose, "make this decision tonight. Our family needs to talk about this again. I need to talk with Edward, and I need time. I think we are going to go home tonight. We will call you tomorrow after work."

Edward got my coat and we walked out of the house gripping each other for strength. Edward put me in the passenger seat and I grieved at the separation. We were silent on the way home, Edward driving fast through the streets he had memorized. I could not read his face, but even in the dark I could see the darkness in his eyes. I wanted to talk to him, to rehash and discuss. I wanted to scream at him, cry with him, and ask him to help me understand. Instead, I looked out the window and wondered if happiness was a finite resource in life and I had used it all up.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 6

Interlude

Edward parked in the main house's garage and we started the short walk to our cottage. It was a clear night, so with the full moon and bright stars, it looked more like twilight than the late hour it really was.

We did not touch, we did not speak. It was not the same as the comfortable silence between Emmett and I earlier in the day, but it wasn't unpleasant.

A few feet in front of the house, Edward paused and took me in his arms, carrying me honeymoon style over the threshold. He didn't set me down as I expected in our little front room, but instead walked stoically into our back bedroom. I started to ask him not to put me on the bed, my skirt was probably black with mold and moss from the tree trunk from earlier. I took the breath to speak and sensing this he crushed his mouth to mine.

In a flash I was not only in our bed but my stop layer of clothing had been stripped away. The shreds were in a pile by the bed. Edward interrupted the kiss just enough to take his shirt over his head. His muscles ripples underneath his pale, shimmering skin, and I ran my hands over his back and through his hair, gripping him to me.

"You are mine. "

"Mine."

"Mine."

He repeated the word over and over into my mouth, over my cheeks, across my earlobe, and down my jaw.

"You will never be his. You are mine." He breathed down my stomach and with that, I decided I could wait until morning to figure out what he meant. There were some moments I allowed myself to be a mere mortal.

Edward and I had been connected for more than eight hours. In the glow of the day, it was hard to imagine that the preceding night had happened. The air was cool, swirling around in little waves near the windows, and the leaves hung on to the branches for dear life.

I was the first to speak, mumbling his name into his shoulder. He had been staring at the ceiling for hours, and while I didn't want to break his reverie, I simply couldn't hold it in much longer.

He turned from him back to his side, sliding me off his body and facing me, with one arm propped under his head. I missed his dancing eyes as soon as I looked at him. He recovered quickly, kissing my forehead, but I knew he was brooding.

"Sleep well?" he asked.

"Yes. Be quiet, though, Charlie hasn't left for work yet." I played along.

"Hmmm. Well I am in big trouble. If Charlie wakes up and sees me naked with you in this bed, what will he think?"

"You would know what he thinks, not me. But, what would he do? Probably shoot you."

He laughed and kissed my nose. "Actually, that is a thought that crossed his mind more than once."

"So are we going to talk about last night?" I asked, sounding braver than I felt.

"You mean you want to talk about our amazing lovemaking?" he joked.

"Just because I can't blush, Mister…" I punched him in the arm. "No, although I agree it was amazing. It seemed..different."

"Bella, I thought you liked new things? Can't have you getting bored with me now, can I?" he reasoned.

"Edward, you know that is not what I mean either. Why did you say something about someone else having me. I didn't understand." I said, getting frustrated by his playfulness when I was clearly being serious.

"Oh, that. I meant Jacob. He would never have you." He shrugged.

"Huh? What are you talking about Edward?"

"I am answering your question. What I meant by what I said was that Jacob as never going to get you. And, no one else for that matter, but I was speaking of him at the time." His tone was light, careless.

"Edward, what do you mean, "get me"? Have you forgotten he's married to our daughter and I am married to you?" My voice was rising now.

"No, love. I know those facts to be true, and I was simply stating another one. Jacob is going to stay Jacob, and he's never going to get you."

I started to speak when he cut me off. "Bella, this scheme that Renesme and Jacob have concocted is ridiculous. It's not plausible, let alone possible. They are grasping at straws because of their unwillingness to face the hard facts. You said it yourself, Jacob is not immortal and Nessie is. She will grieve and she will move on. I am not saying it won't be hard, but she is strong and she can do it."

"So if you think it's ridiculous, does that mean you don't want us to talk about it at all?" I tried to hide the hurt in my voice, "And you still haven't answered what this has to do with Jacob "getting me"?"

Edward dazzled me with a beautiful smile. "Bella, we can talk about it if you choose to, but it will be a short conversation. The bond that is created when a vampire changes another one is very strong. I know you have heard this, but I don't think you have ever have experienced it. You assume that our bond is based only on love, and the same is true for the rest of our family. While there is no doubt about our love, it is enhanced by the bond that was created when I changed you."

He went on, "You and Jacob have a sordid history. I know to you it seems like ancient history, but there are times that he still struggles with the past. Your memories, your emotions are remembered, but they are just not as strong as they would have been had you remained a human like Jacob has. He may love Renesme, and know she is his soul mates, but he still grieves for the loss of your companionship."

"Edward, " I interrupted. "It is ancient history to both of us. Jake does not still have feelings for me, friendship or otherwise. I am his mother in law. I see him as one of my children. You are imaging all this."

"Darling, it is not imagined, it is seen." With that, he tapped his temple. "Jacob does not love you as he once did, you are right. But he does not want to be seen as your child, Bella, even now. He misses your friendship that put you as equals."

"So, again, Edward, what does one thing do with the other?"

"You are mine, Bella. Forever. And that means I will not share you with Jacob, even if it means temporary pain to our daughter. I will not allow a bond like transformation to be created with the one person who has challenged our love, and who still has feelings of loss for you. I will not risk our family to war with Quileute's, or punishment from the Volturi. I will not watch my son or my daughter bear the pain of a failed transformation. "

"There is nothing to talk about, Bella, because I won't allow it. Not now, not ever."


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 7

Impasse

Three days later I was still stomping around the cottage. I had called Renesme and Jacob the day after the family dinner, but told them I didn't have an answer and I wasn't sure when I was going to. I sensed Renesme was choosing her words carefully, trying not to betray her disappointment. When Jacob asked me if Edward had calmed down, I asked him if he was planning on dropping a motorcycle by my house. He laughed it off, saying no, clearly picking up on my meaning. I appreciated him playing along, and shielding Nessie from the truth.

I had spent the last two days and nights away from Edward. It was the longest we had been apart since before our marriage. The separation was more than unusual, and further punctuated by the fact that Edward had not tried to contact me in any way. Apparently the fight we'd had was as emotional to him as it was to me, and neither one of us was ready to back down. Edward and I had found another impasse.

Despite the distance between our homes, I knew the entire family had heard the argument. It did not surprise me when Carlisle and Esme came to the cottage that afternoon. They were both sensitive to our need for space and privacy, but I knew they would want to talk about what had happened. I was glad to see them, and flung myself into Esme's arms as soon as I opened the door.

She stroked and soothed me, pulling me back into the cottage with her. Carlisle's eyes were sad, and I suspected that the stress of the situation made him miss his ability to slip away to the hospital right now even more than usual.

I looked at both of my guests and asked, "So is he driving you crazy?" I smiled when I said it, but I knew they would both see through my attempt at humor.

"No" Esme smoothed. "You and Edward are always welcome at our home." I looked at Carlisle for confirmation and saw the smile playing at the corners of his mouth. Yep, Edward was driving them crazy. I nestled again into Esme's arms and took a deep, unnecessary breath.

I knew they were both waiting for me to speak. I wanted to unload, tell them everything that had happened – not because they didn't know but because I needed to talk about it. I wanted to tell them I was furious, confused and unbelievably hurt. I wanted to scream, cry, and rip something apart.

Instead, I let Esme rock me back and forth, and asked the hardest question, the only question that really mattered to me, "Will we get through this?"

Carlisle sat down next to us and stroked my hand. When he didn't answer immediately, I realized that the fury, the confusion, anger, was nothing compared to the fear. Was I about to have to face the hardest decision of my vampire life without Edward by my side?

Carlisle responded, trying obviously to sooth and inform at the same time. "Bella, I am sure you and Edward will get through this, as I am sure will Nessie and Jacob. None of us are sure how, yet, but our family has always found a way thus far."

The emotional floodgates opened in me and my words came through in a burst, "You don't understand…What happened…What _we_ said…What_ I_ said…It was horrible. I was just so angry. I still can't believe he acted as though I had no say, as if I wasn't…_capable_. As if I couldn't understand. I haven't felt that way in such a long time, and I don't want to go back to that. I am so ashamed, so furious, so…_scared_."

"I think we have a good idea about what was said, and Edward has filled in a lot of the gaps. Bella, you must understand, Edward has a lot of the same feelings as you do." Esme said quietly.

Carlisle nodded in agreement and went on, "Edward excels at a great many things, but his protectiveness of you has always been something that he struggles with. He feels as though no one can take care of you but him. He struggles with the same feeling with Nessie as well, but I think it's been tempered with the fact that he has always had you and Jacob as allies."

"I understood when I was human. Edward was so much more experienced, more mature, more…well, more everything…than I was. But I am not a teenager anymore. I might not be as old as he is, but I thought that we had become equals, and the first real chance he has to show me that we are, he refuses to even discuss it with me," I whined.

Esme and Carlisle glanced quickly at each other, and it was Esme who answered. "Sweetheart, I don't think Edward realizes that you needed a confirmation that you were equals. I truly believe he has felt that way all along. In some cases, I think he feels you were the one who was more _everything_." I huffed, and she smiled patiently.

"Bella, equals or not, Edward is still protective of you. The rational side of him is at war with the part of him that wants to scoop you up and hide you away from all this. I am not saying that he is right, and I have told him so, but it does come from a place of extraordinary love," she finished.

"I hear what you are saying. I do. But…" I trailed off, unsure of my own thoughts.

Carlisle stood up, and brought me up to him. Somehow they both seemed to understand I needed the physical connection to them. "Bella, talk to Edward. Come to the house tonight. We will make sure you can be alone and talk without interruption. "

Before I could voice the immature, foot stomping, temper tantrum I wanted to have about how he should be the one to come to me, Carlisle looked down at me and said, "We may know he should be the one to speak first, but can you just accept him as he is, warts and all?" I laughed, in spite of myself. If there was a Cullen with warts, I was sure it was me. I nodded and agreed to be at their house in two hours.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 8

Growl

I walked from our home to the main house slowly. My arm was wrapped protectively around my waist, and my mind was racing. I had only one experience with this sense of loss, of dread, of fear, and I couldn't bring myself to acknowledge it. I pushed it all back down, consciously pulled my arm away from my waist, and was muttering for myself to get a grip, when I sensed Edward was close.

He was straddling a tree limb, midway up a large, old oak tree a few hundred feet in front of me. He was dressed in jeans, a T-shirt, and his bare foot swung carelessly below him. I looked up, trying to square myself and read his face as nonchalantly as possible. I was not good at nonchalant anything. He grabbed the limb and jumped down, graceful as ever, and was suddenly in front of me.

"Hi." I breathed. I started to chew my bottom lip. I already felt dumb. What was the appropriate greeting here?

"Hi." He said, his eyes seeming to drink me in. I noticed he didn't look mad, so I took that as a good sign.

"I thought I would meet you at the house."

He shrugged in response, still staring at me. "I have been out here a lot. And, I thought meeting you in the middle might be a good start to our discussion." He did not smile in response to mine. I straightened up.

"So are you, Edward, meeting me in the middle?" I asked pointedly.

"I am here and we will talk. Can we just start there?" He responded, his tone trying to mask an underlying hardness.

I nodded and we walked back to the house. I could hardly stand the strain, or the physical distance between us. He seemed to be sharing my struggle. Twice he seemed to reach for me, and then thought better of it.

We were alone in the house, as promised, and we went back up into Edward's old bedroom. It still had our original king sized bed in the middle of it, and I smiled despite the anxiety between us. He flashed over to his bookcase, closing books and shelving them quickly, leaning in front of it as I sat cross legged on the bed. All of a sudden I sensed he was hiding something, but decided not to press him considering the upcoming conversation.

We started at each other, sensing each other's longing, but not yet willing to surrender. I bit my tongue, literally and figuratively, feeling like he should be the one to speak first. He seemed to be taking the same approach, and after then minutes, I sighed loudly and started.

"Edward. I hate this. I feel like I am eighteen again." He raised one perfectly arched eyebrow as an interruption. I went on, "Human eighteen again. I am so mad, no, furious, confused, and so incredibly hurt…." I trailed off. He winced on my last word, but looked down to mask it. "More than all of that, I am so, so scared." I felt my eyes prick with the tears that would not come. I was embarrassed too, but I had to preserve some sense of pride here.

"I don't understand how you can think so little of me. After all this time. How you don't think I am worth discussing something so important to our family…to our daughter. That you would think I couldn't handle, or wouldn't be capable of even understanding. Or that I wouldn't ask or care how you felt. That somehow I could be bonded to anyone but you. You, who mean more to me than my own life. You know me better than anyone ever has, and still…." I was shaking my head, not meeting his eyes. My breath ran out and I wrapped my arm around my waist for support.

He was across the room in an instant, slumped in front of me on his knees. "Oh, Bella. My Bella. I would never, never hurt you. I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry." He whispered over and over, never moving. I looked at him, not sure how to handle his pleading or vunerability. I did what came naturally, and took his face in my hands, kissing him all over.

He gripped me to him, progressively tighter, and I laced my hands through his hair. He rubbed his face to mine as he spoke, "You can handle so much more than I can, Bella. You must believe me when I tell you how sure I am of that. You are stronger than I am, more perceptive, more giving, more loving. I could not begin to know where it comes from."

I pulled from him then, wanting to see his beautiful face. "So why?" I asked simply.

He put his hand on the side of my face, "Because I am not like you, and I am not strong enough. There a hundred reasons why this is not a good idea. But the one I cannot get beyond is that it kills me to think that he might have a connection to you again that has the power to threaten ours." He closed his eyes as he said the last sentence, as if he was steeling himself from the pain voicing it would cause. I pushed his hand away, and he slumped onto the bed.

I had to stop this. I was teetering between love, lust, and anger, and I had to get control of all three. "Edward, you can't really believe that. Nothing can threaten us and survive. Nothing ever has. Not my police chief father, my rather inconvenient mortality, not other vampires, not the Quileutes – even a certain one, not the Volturi, not even your own stupidity. How can you honestly worry about us?" My voice was rising and the anger was winning. Even my pacing didn't seem to slow it down.

"Bella" Edward said from the bed, "You don't know how powerful the connection is between a vampire and his creator. I am truly frightened for you, for me, for us, for Nessie. What would it do to her to have her husband more connected to her mother than his own wife?" If I hadn't been able to see the pain on his face, I would have sworn he wasn't fighting fair, but I knew he was speaking his own version of the truth.

"I am sure of two things – us, and Renesme and Jacob. I am as sure of those things today as I have been for the last hundred years." I spread out on the bed next to him, running my fingers through his tangled hair as I spoke.

He turned to face me a rubbed small circles in my back, seeming to think over what I said. I appreacited the time, both because it seemed like he was truly considering what I had said, and it gave me time to cool off a little. He started slowly, "So, are you really considering do this?"

I sighed. "Darling, I don't know. Considering? Yes. How can I not? I love them both, and there is nothing a mother wouldn't do to stop pain for her child. But I don't want to consider this alone. I need you."

He seemed to rally at this a little, and I smiled in return. "I need you. " I repeated, and he strained to reach me to kiss me on the lips. The taste of him calmed me, and I pressed my tongue into him. A small groan radiated from him and he kissed me harder. I pulled back, shocking both of us, and shook my head no.

"I have missed you so much. But I am not done talking with you and I can't be distracted."

He groaned, but nodded in agreement. "I have been thinking about this, and really want to discuss it. I am worried about lots of things, and am not sure which worry is the biggest. So, let's say we agree." Edward's eyes darkened, but I pressed on, "What will the Quileute think or do? I know Jacob has been off their radar for a long time, but we would at least have to involve Raven. Would the Volturi get involved? We know they are terrified of werewolves, but since Jacob is teachnically a shape shifter will they care? Would he be at risk? Would our family? What would Jacob be like changed? A wolf? An old man, a young man? I don't want to think of him as a newborn, and oh, Edward, can I even do this?"

Before giving Edward time to answer, I said quickly, "And if I don't do this, do we lose both our children forever?"

Edward sighed, and it was my turn to slump onto the bed. My hand stayed in his hair, unmoving, and he pulled me closer to him. He hummed to sooth me, and I was glad I could voice everything that had been tormenting me. Well, not everything.

"Before we deal with all of that, I want to talk about something else too, " he looked wearily at me, expecting this part. "I am not longer the teenage human who will give in every time you decide to frown at me. Don't you ever make me feel silly and incapable again, or you will need to worry about a lot more than a growl or two." I looked anxiously at him, hoping for an appropriate response, terrified he was about to burst out laughing.

He looked at me, his golden eyes darkening, and apologized. "Bella, you have never simply given into me, teenager or not. You are not silly, and by far the most capable person I have ever known. I never meant to make you feel like anything less than the amazing woman I am so blessed to call my wife. " He looked expectantly to me, and I knew if I still had the ability I would have blushed. "But," he continued, "you may feel free to growl at me any time you like. I find that terribly sexy."

And growl I did, until the sun came up through the windows shining on the bed we had shared for a century.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc, are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 9

Raven

I met Raven at Charlie's gravesite the next day. I had not seen her since Charlie's funeral, but I would have recognized her anywhere. It was not just that she was stunningly beautiful, so much so that Rosalie cringed at the sound of her name, it was her grace – floating across the graveyard to me reminding me more of a vampire than Quielute.

Raven had waist length hair that was straight and full and seemed almost serpentine, coiling itself around and over itself in the wind. She showed confidence and poise with every perfectly placed word, action, or motion. Everything she did was deliberate, but not aloof. She was her father's pride and joy, and while they were different in every way, I saw our beloved Seth alive and well in her eyes.

"You are still so beautiful" I said, almost involuntarily. I smiled at her, mirroring her confidence but feeling little of it.

"Thank you, Bella. It has been too long." Raven replied and reached out to hug me. To her credit she either did not feel, or did not acknowledge my cold, stiff frame. "Shall we walk?" she continued.

We walked through the different gravestones, and I tried to remember what it was like to fear death. I was aware of human emotions, and some stayed with me even after the change, but I could not remember a time when I had that experience. Even when I went to meet James, I was not afraid of death, just the nothingness that would make me leave Edward.

Raven and I did not talk for a long time. She swept off grass clippings from the markers while I untangled wind chimes and righted flowers that had fallen. We had never been especially close, but felt bonded never the less. Seth had the effect on people.

When we finished tidying up, we sat on a bench under an old tree in the corner. We talked comfortably for awhile, catching up on family news and the gossip on the reservation. Raven was going for her Master's Degree in the fall and hoped to use her education to lobby for further laws to protect her people and lands. When I told her how proud I was of her, and how proud I knew her Dad would be, she winced. Before I could apologize, she squared her shoulders and smoothed her face, signaling it was time to get down to business.

"Raven, I wanted to talk to you about Jacob." I started. It was her eyes that gave away her shock at hearing his name, and nothing else. I went on.

"Jacob is now well over one hundred years old, and is aging rapidly. We don't understand what has changed, but can only think that his body has held on for as long as it could and even Renesme's presence in his life cannot stop the inevitable." I stole a quick glance at Raven but her face showed nothing but that she was listening.

"Renesme and Jacob have decided that they want to investigate…" I took a deep breath, "Investigate the possibility of Jake becoming like the rest of the Cullens." I managed to say it slowly, feeling somehow relieved that it was said, and then instantly tensing again awaiting her response.

When she realized I was finished, she stood up and had her back to me. I was desperate to see her face, to try to read her expressions. Moreover, I was frustrated that she had been smart enough to agree to meet me under the proviso that Edward would not be there.

Raven turned back to me after a long moment. Her eyes were sad, worried, and I was even more concerned than before.

"I don't know that I can help you, Bella. The treaty is very clear that your family may not bite a human. It was agreed upon without conditions. It will be difficult to get the elders to discuss a variance, when they feel as though a concession was already made by them in allowing your change. Now, with their fears of your return causing another pack to emerge from our young men, not to mention the unknowns of turning a wolf…" She trailed off.

"But Raven, I was dying. So is Jake. The two scenarios are not so different. And besides, he's one of you. Surely if one of your own asked for a loophole?" I had intended for the last part to come out as a statement, but it sounded like a question, and more pleading with every word.

"You don't understand. Jake is dead to the tribe. Only a handful of the elders even know of Jacob's existence. I am the only female in the whole tribe, and you know that's only because of my Dad. Jacob has not been one of us in years. Bella, we tell stories of the hero Jacob and his honorable death at our tribal campfires." Her voice was raised, but she was calm, explaining.

"But then what's the problem, Raven? If everyone thinks he's dead already why can't we help save him?"

"Because it's not saving him to us. It's dooming him to the life of an immortal. Death is the honorable choice." She stared down, talking quietly. I wanted to believe that it was because she didn't believe the rhetoric, but I couldn't be sure.

"Raven, please. We have made no decisions yet. But, I…We, do not want to alienate the tribe we look to as friends. Is there anything you can do?" I was pleading now, not caring if it made me look weak to this young woman.

"I make no promises, Bella. But, I will try."

She walked away slowly, and turned a few feet away. "I will be in touch. Tell Uncle Jacob..I love him?" It was then I saw the tears in her eyes and knew I had an ally in Raven, and I hoped it would be enough.

I walked back to Charlie's grave, sitting on the ground in front of his headstone. It was Edward who had chosen the inscription for the headstone, and I smiled when I re-read his words:

Charlie Swan

Beloved Everything

1955-2043

I spoke to Charlie for hours. The fact that these graveside conversations had been some of the longest ones of my existence was not lost on me. I missed his quiet strength and being someone's little girl. I felt lost, and wanted to be taken care of, even if it meant being a selfish girl right at that moment.

I hugged my knees and wrapped my arm around my waist. I sat there quietly thinking when I smelled Alice and Jasper approaching. I turned to them and realized why Alice was there, smiling. She had seen my decision before I was conscious I had made the decision.

"Let's go shopping. I have no idea what to wear to this thing" I said, and she smiled even bigger, if that was possible.


End file.
